Last Night God spoke to me loud and clear....

I am writing this with very little sleep so I hope it is not to rambling and it makes sense...just needed to get it down.

I have been having trouble sleeping this past week...I keep thinking it is because I am nervous about my tap recital coming up in a couple of weeks (remember my little secret)
I find myself at 3am downstairs in the dark going through my moves (without the tapping so I don't wake up the whole house) and again last night after listening to my Zune (an I-Pod device for people who's husbands work at Microsoft) trying to relax and find that comfortable sleep zone with no avail, I came downstairs and thought I would run through the dance a couple more times so I can go to sleep confident that I really do know what I am doing. I went through it a few times but something was drawing to my laptop sitting there alone on the couch. Now, I had just finished up checking on the latest posts before heading to bed hours earlier and since I live on the west coast I don't know why I thought anyone would be posting in the middle of the night....but something was calling me. I ended up on a blog I just discovered recently, Jewels of my Heart, it didn't have a new post but I thought I would look at previous posts and that is when I noticed the sidebar and there was a special video of their journey to China to bring their beautiful Hannah home last year. I love watching these videos and looking forward to the day one I get to do the same for our Grace so clicked right on it. Watching the video, I saw the similar scenes of sight seeing, the day they received their special girl, red couch photos, coming home and etc....but it was the end of the video that caught me of guard. There was message there for me (and all waiting mommies).....I found myself flooded with tears. You see.....I couldn't sleep because deep in my heart I have been feeling despair....I am denial of course, but this waiting and not knowing has really started to get to me....I even had thoughts of maybe this isn't what we should be doing. I hate to admit it but I am letting myself doubt what God has already placed on my heart. Why do I do this? Oh right......because I am a human. God is soooooo awesome though! Even when I am so unaware of my own needs He speaks to me. He knew I needed to hear Him and be reminded that His timing is so pure and perfect. I know I will doubt again but I also know my precious Father will show up when I need to reminded that He is always there.

I already emailed Hannah's mommy and thanked her for her special gift that she gave me last night and she sent me the most sweet email back with amazing encouragement. This adoption community has been such an awesome surprise during this process....I can't imagine going through this journey without these wonderful cyber-friends! Thanks to all of you!!!!

I leave with this......how God spoke to me last night through, Deleea (Nicholas and Hannah's mommy),

"For the mother's who are waiting to hold their babies in their arms...this is the Lord's promise to you...

Don't be afraid for I will bring your daughter's from the east and gather you from the west Isaiah 43:5

He is FAITHFUL....God's Speed..."